Warning Parents: Soccer Will Make Your Daughters Gay!

A Columbian, a Romanian, an Asian, a Hispanic American and I are sitting around a table at expat wife gossip time, AKA “International Cooking Class."  Sounds like an amusing little joke, right? But really this is the start of a horrid conversation. 

We are talking, drinking tea just having a lovely time and I ask, “Hey, does anyone know of a soccer program for four year olds?” Conversations start, the Romanian says, “You want Girly to play soccer? My, daughter wanted to play soccer until I finally convinced her that soccer was for boys, now we are going to do dance.”

Pretty sure my face looked like this;

Being the inquisitive little shit that I am.  I say, “So what, if you had boys, you would tell them, boys don’t cry?” To which this broad says, “Of course!”  See photo above now my head is at full on tilt! Not to be outdone, the Hispanic American chimes in, “Well, you know girls that play soccer… look, well, you know….”  WTF?  I shriek “No, No I don’t know”.   I am going to make this bitch say it! Oh, here comes the Columbian, “Yes, yes, they look, you know……” Here we go, these f*@#chops.. say.. it out loud, “Girls that play soccer look… you know gay."

I make the decision not to go all ape shit crazy but to educate them.  In my best I’m talking to a dumbass voice say, “In the States soccer is a very popular sport for both girls and boys.  In fact, we would take Girly to soccer games and she seems to have a real interest and skill in the game.”

NOW, I am not really sure what happened here because at this point I was in the bat shit crazy zone but it went a little something like this:

Romanian: “You want Girly to turn gay?”

ME: “What the F*@#, I want Girly to be Girly!”

Hispanic American: “Playing soccer and other boy sports turns girls gay, take her to dance” 

ME: “So boys running around in banana hammocks turns boys gay?!?”

Hispanic American: “No, swimming is not gay all three of my kids swam.  Being gay is a lifestyle!”

Columbian: “ They chose to be like that”

Hispanic American: “Why do you think so many of them leave the lifestyle?”

As I look around, I see the other two shaking their heads in agreement.  F*@# me running! Now I know my face looked like this:

At this point the Chinese chick who had been sitting there uncomfortably giggling says, “Ok who wants to cook?” You would think that’s the end of that, but oh no, the Hispanic American leans over and says to me, “You know, Annoula we have to respect other cultures."  This- from a women- who once told me she hates black people. 

I should have said “OH, OK F*@#chop!”

That’s my rant for today.  By the way, I texted Nash to tell him and he text this back: Call bullshit on them! 

Annoula