Thursday, May 2, 2013

Soccer, Oh I mean "Football," is Serious Shit!

Recently at Manly’s, as us Americans call it soccer game, I learned why gun control in Poland is a MUST! 

It was a normal, cloudy, chilly Warsaw morning at the pitch.  Manly’s coach has the boys warming up on the field, while we wait for the other team to arrive.  I am a enjoying my hot cup of Joe that the very HOT Ricky Bobby purchased to keep me warm, and next thing I know the shit is going down!

The other team arrives, but where’s the ref for the game?  Oh wait, the other team’s coach in his infinite brilliance decides he will ref the game and coach his team at the same time! This should be fun….

FYI soccer, or as they call it “football," is some serious shit in Europe!  They live and breathe football! Once I was taking Manly to tennis practice next to a professional soccer stadium, while they were having a big game. To get through the gates to tennis we had to walk through a human wall of about 50 police officers in full gear along with their attack German Shepard’s! For a SOCCER game…REALLY!! They even bus in the opposing team fans from across town, so they do not mix with the local team fans!! It’s the real deal in Poland!

Wait.... I was telling you about Manly's game.  Man, I need to keep my meds in check.  Ok, back to my story……

So, Manly’s game finally kicks off.  Of course as the game goes on the “Ref” is making one bad call after another bad call. Oh and let’s not forget he is “coaching” his team.

Now our coach, a sweet little French man, is yelling and ranting  at the “Ref” telling him his calls don’t follow the rules.  And then it happened….

Our coach turns to one of our Polish Dads and says, (you must say this in a French accent) “This is crazy, can you say something?”

To which the Dad says, (you must say this in a Polish accent)“No, I can’t.”

Then Coach says,(you must say this in a French accent) “Please!”

Dad, (insert Polish accent) “You don’t understand, I’m a Polish man….if I use my words I will KILL him!!”

All of the parents on our side are yelling at the bad calls.  Our team makes a goal to tie up the game and parents are screaming and jumping up and down!!!

Wait…. our Polish Dad has disappeared…….all of a sudden his wife pops up to the Coach and asks if there’s someone we can talk to about this so called “Ref."  Now here is where the shit goes down….She says (insert Polish women accent here) ”This is why Poland has gun control because of soccer games like this! !!”

Ohhh K….. (insert my American, shitting her pants, mom accent here) “Manly get in the car!!!!”